


Such A Lovely Face

by Kingdom_of_Roses



Series: Earth - 199942 [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blatant Lies and Mistruths, Diary/Journal, Disturbing implications, French Foreign Legion, Gen, Heroes & Villians, The CIA is shady as shit, Vietnam War, but Pierce is shadier, delusions of grandeur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 18:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15891732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingdom_of_Roses/pseuds/Kingdom_of_Roses
Summary: Pierce writes to his daughter about ghost stories.





	Such A Lovely Face

I named you Amanda because it means beloved. That's what I keep reminding myself of over here. I love you and I know that someday you'll be a brilliant, courageous force to be reckoned with. Someday you'll read this and know I was loving you. I miss you but I'm doing this for you and your future. 

The future may look dark now but I believe we can change that. We can find the courage to turn the tide on all of this chaos and death. Wherever we go, there are people who want to join us in our fight. Even in this jungle there are people who see the good we're trying to do. Remember that. The world is filled with potential allies.

===

I'm about to go on patrol again. I removed the entries from the first two patrols. This time it's going to be different. I can feel it.

Last night I thought I saw something but everyone else is just making jokes about new officers and nerves. I'm sure I saw a man watching us from the edge of camp. He looked familiar but I can't say why. Maybe he belongs to one of the other squads. I'll ask around when we get back.

=

One of the things you'll learn as you get older is that most people are drawn to certainty. They want to know that the people in charge have a plan. Whether it's a good plan or a bad one isn't half as important as it's existence. People want a reason. They want the comfort of knowing that even if they fail, they can blame their leadership. 

You might hear stories about what it's like over here and think people want anarchy. That isn't true. The officers who fail here, fail because they lack certainty. They jump to conclusions and think their academy training is a shield from criticism. It takes certainty, real gut level certainty, to know when criticism is important. You need to have certainty to know when to listen without allowing others to undermine your authority.

You need to be certain that when you order a man to hold a dangerous position, he'll do it. And you need to be prepared to follow through if he doesn't.

=

One of the French Foreign Legion officers took me aside today and very pointedly told me a ghost story. 

His German accent was hard to understand at times but the gist of the story was this: There was a soldier named Jimmy who was a good kid from New York or New Jersey or the Midwest or something like that. This Jimmy kid goes on patrol one day and he falls behind his squad. Morning comes and there's no sign of him. They send two men to check their trail and they find no trace of Jimmy. 

He's declared missing in action and all the appropriate steps are followed. The next time his squad goes out, they find a collapsed tunnel system and Private Jimmy is standing by it with a great big grin. He salutes them without a word and then somehow when they're not looking, he's gone. 

Then the Legionnaire asked me to stop asking questions. Private Jimmy might leave us and take our luck with him. 

=

We got lost this time. There was fighting somewhere in the night. Grenades and gunfire too far away to get more than an echo. I watched my squad spend the night waiting for it to come closer. 

I realized that they weren't afraid of the right things. It's not about whether the Communists win or the people here embrace our ideals. It's not about surviving the night. It's about seeing what needs to be done and having the courage to do it. 

I think I'm beginning to see. They were afraid because they don't. 

=

I saw him again today. He was standing over a screaming, injured VC operative and calmly blasted him in the face with a submachine gun. He looked up and saw me. His eyes weren't like my squad’s the other night. He looked like he was in pain. 

His hands were steady as he reloaded his weapon though. He frowned at me and asked, “what are you doing here, punk?”

Then it was like he heard something in the jungle. He just turned and left. 

Princess, I think I've stumbled onto something important.

=

I've been dodging the Legionnaire and his ghost stories. I had a dream last night and I know where I've seen Private Jimmy before. I need to wrap my head around the implications.

=

I've been promoted, princess. One step closer to being in a position to do some real good. 

Unfortunately, it means the Legionnaire found me. After an intense conversation, I was invited to rendezvous with him and his comrades. I can't help but note that they all have either German or Russian accents. I did ask. It seemed like it would be more suspicious not to. 

I was told the Russians are defectors from the Communist Regime. I don't know if I believe that given Private Jimmy's identity but I want to see where this goes. 

Why aren't I telling my superiors about this? They're watching me. There's something about the way he called me punk. They think it means something and if I cooperate then I might find out what. Once I know that, then I'll know who to go to. 

What happened to him is a tragedy but until I know more, I don't know how to keep it from being in pain. It's been twenty years and he hasn't aged at all. I want to know how. I want to know why. 

Maybe he can be convinced to work for America again. 

=

Happy birthday, princess. I sent you and your mother a letter.

=

-ing. I can still smell it. 

=

This is unbelievable. When I'm home, you and I are going to go to the Smithsonian. I need to take another look at one of their exhibits and you should be familiar with our history. 

=

Alright, this is what really happened. We went out into the jungle: myself, the Legionnaires, a radio specialist, and him. I don't know how they got it cleared. Maybe there's a secret handshake.

We were out there for a few days before the leader tells one of the others to pull a gun on me. Before I can blink, Private Jimmy is there knocking it out of his hands. And then he just stops. He isn't pausing for thought. He goes completely blank. 

The leader claps his hands together with a big grin. “He likes you.”

Now, I know that since I'm your father you probably haven't thought of me this way but ever since first grade people have told me I look like Captain America.

“And how does that help me?” I asked. 

He starts telling me how they found The Asset in Russia. His arm was a loss but the rest of him healed up just fine. The problem is that the procedures they used left him disoriented. He fights like he was born to it but he doesn't know what day it is. They've put him to work but he needs a caretaker. 

They want me to help them get The Asset some more field time. I want to see where this goes. 

=

The Asset is quiet. I've been trying to get him to tell me what he knows. He just stares at me like a doll. 

=

I finally got something out of him. He was in a POW camp during WWII and he thought he was back there. He babbled about needles and a man with a demon face. He wanted to look in a mirror. 

As quickly as it started, he went back to staring blankly. 

When I told the Legionnaire, he nodded and said he'd heard similar ravings from time to time. Then I told him I'd heard the name Zola. We're going on another trip into the jungle together and I'm leaving this journal with a colleague in case I don't make it back. 

=

Obviously I came back. 

=

While we were out there, one of the Legionnaires surprised the asset. The man will be lucky if he ever walks again. At least now I know what half of the protocols they gave me on handling him are about. 

That metal hand is very effective against German soldiers who try to grab him from behind. Unsurprisingly. 

The facial twitch he gets in those moments is a good indicator. I'll have to remember that. 

=

-en. I'm not sure I'll ever enjoy bacon again. 

=

We retrieved a hover harness the Commies stole. It's a Stark prototype and I think it's been damaged. The sound it makes is a long way from stealthy. The intelligence listed it as a flight pack but the operator just went up and down in it. Or just up. I'm not sure if the asset grabbing a tow rope and yanking him out of the air counts as an example of the device's abilities. 

The landing broke his back and wrist. When we asked the asset why he didn't just shoot, he stared at one of the trees and grimaced until we turned off the device. Then he was as docile as ever. 

He didn't even flinch when our mutual friend shot the pilot. 

=

Happy birthday, princess. 

=

-ince this war started. Damn the French. 

=

Happy birthday, princess. 

=

The asset is back. I attended a demonstration of his ability to clean out a VC tunnel system. This is the type of weapon we need. 

If we can't win this war, then we will need someone like him to deal with the forces against us. And after last summer, I think we need to look at solutions that don't include sending our military might into a very public and embarrassing field of conflict. If we can keep it quiet, hide when we're losing, that would be better. Put fewer lives at risk. If we allow ourselves to look weak, we look like a target. 

Most people don't have the courage to do what it takes to make a change in the world. We can target the ones who do. Use finesse instead of this. We can save lives.

=

The asset needed to be wiped again. We have to work out a better system. This time he tried to save one of the witnesses from a grenade. 

The Russians are going to take him soon. I think our mutual connections will benefit America for years to come. 

I'm doing this for you, princess. I want your world to be safe and stable. A world without war. That would be something, wouldn't it? Who can put a price on a dream like that? What kind of monster could turn his back on it?

I think if the asset could understand why we're doing this, he'd be proud to contribute. I know that when the time comes, you will be too. I am not asking him to do anything I wouldn't be willing to do myself or send you to do. 

What's done is done. We need to look to the future. 

=

Don’t tell anyone, but I think I miss him.

***

Bucky snapped the journal closed and shoved it into the duffel he'd filled in the kitchen. 

He needed to go to the Smithsonian. He left Pierce's house muttering as an emotion tightened his throat. “What the hell?”

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the Hotel California, [here's a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDSKkIFnXdQ&t=1s). We hope you enjoy your stay.


End file.
